Starting something new and sticking with it takes a lot of effort. Especially when it involves sleep. The power of the pillow seems to grow stronger each year of my life (having a kid didn't help), but I'm determined to show my pillow who's master. This was a big part of my decision to drastically change to a polyphasic sleep schedule. I just don't want to sleep so much each day, and feel that especially now (young family, healthy, student) is a great time to be super productive. It's probably not far from the truth that what I accomplish in the next two years will determine the trajectory of my entire career (and possibly entire life).
Putting that in perspective provides a lot of motivation. But last night I wasn't thinking of any of that, just how dang tired I was walking up and down the hallway with eyes half shut. So I gave up around 1:30 am and crawled into bed with my wife for the night (she thought she was dreaming). I wish I knew why I never quite woke up from that 1 am nap (it was not refreshing at all). My mom would probably say it's because I'm doing something crazy and unnatural, but I tend to blame it on something more concrete, like possibly my diet or lack of exercise. Anyway, I woke up feeling a bit dejected and guilty, and took some time to think about why I want to do this and how badly I want it. Conclusion: I want it real bad.
So I hit the reset button and am trying to remove all the mental roadblocks that may prevent me from reaching this goal. I all in. I'm trying to brace myself for the sleepless nights so I can handle it better when I hit that wall. Tonight has started out a lot better that I anticipated (my only nap today was at 9 pm) and I got several hours of work done on my current research project. I'm guessing I'll have some nights (and even days) this week that are completely unproductive, but hope I have the fortitude to pay the cost to reach the gold at the end of this rainbow.
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